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"Killary" is the second chapter of the first volume of Sexy Trek, written between October 2016 and August 2017 and published on 16 August 2017 by CaptFredricks.

The crew of the USS Enterprise-D finds themselves facing the sexual depravity of the Borg once again, only this time they are lead by a fearsome new Queen.

Teaser Edit

Jean-Luc Picard records a captain's log on an unspecified Sunday. He begins ranting about Starfleet regulations and the "big-wig" admirals before realizing that the computer logged everything he just said. When the computer answers him, calling him a "naughty boy," he curses and wonders why Geordi La Forge has yet to remove Deanna Troi's mother's personality from the main computer per his orders.[a] The computer erases the log, calling him "dear."

William T. Riker contacts Picard from the bridge, informing him of a broadcast from the Ferengi Alliance, whose new Grand Nagus is making a speech. Picard wonders why he should "give a shit" about the Ferengi's business. When Riker tells him that their Grand Nagus is Donald Trump, Picard concedes, believing Trump's speech will give him a good laugh.

A Ferengi spokesperson asks Trump how he will earn the trust of the Ferengi people, and Trump responds with a long convoluted tale of how he is good at building "great things." The spokesperson then turns to a more sensitive topic: women. Females are generally forbidden from wearing clothes or working in Ferengi society, and he asks Trump where he stands on this. Instead of responding directly, Trump goes on a tangent about how much he cherishes women and how a society is only as strong as its women. He concludes by saying, "We're gonna make Ferenginar great again!"[b]

Picard loses his temper, throwing his computer and then dropping to the floor of the bridge. Trump continues his spiel, now talking about the Breen, who he claims are freeloaders stealing jobs away from Ferengi workers. He goes into another rant partway through, talking about Trump City, and then returns to his original topic, saying he will build a wall around Ferengi borders and make the Breen pay for it, sending all the "freeloaders" back to their "ice bucket" of a homeworld.[c]

Picard goes berserk, screaming, "No, no!!! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!!" and ripping off Data's arm, beating multiple crewmen with it. Data then presents the captain with a Snickers bar, telling him he becomes Captain Ahab when he is angry. Picard eats it, and begins trolololing.[d]

Memorable quotes Edit

Background and trivia Edit

  • CaptFredricks wanted to continue the controversial nature of Sexy Trek with this follow-up to "Shut Up, Wesley!". Even before the 2016 presidential election, he had wanted to write a chapter where the USS Enterprise-D crew meets Hillary Clinton, but it wasn't until the race had narrowed down to her and Donald Trump that he finally decided what he wanted to do for this chapter.
  • As with "Shut Up, Wesley!", he has included a disclaimer with the chapter to ensure that nobody takes offense at the jokes presented in the story.

Notes and references Edit

  1. This is a reference to the fact that Majel Barrett, who played Lwaxana Troi (Deanna's mother), also voiced the Enterprise computer in TNG.
  2. This is a reference to Trump's real-life slogan: "Make America great again!"
  3. This is a reference to Trump's statements that he will build a wall between the United States and Mexico and make the Mexican government pay for it.
  4. There are several references here. The first is to Star Trek: First Contact, in which Jean-Luc becomes obsessed with wiping out the Borg to the point he becomes angry and breaks ship models in the observation lounge and Lily Sloane compares him with Captain Ahab from Moby Dick. The second is a reference to the Snickers bar commercials – and subsequently, memes – in which someone is completely out of character until they eat a Snickers bar and calm their hunger. The third is a callback to "Shut Up, Wesley!" in which Jean-Luc is singing in the shower and Data walks in on him. This in turn is a reference to Eduard Khil, who became a meme from his performance of the song "Я очень рад, ведь я, наконец, возвращаюсь домой" which earned him the nickname "Trololol Guy".

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