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All hands, prepare for... penetration!
My butthole's not ready for penetration.
Will Riker and Jean-Luc Picard
2360s ("Shut Up, Wesley!")

William Thomas Riker, better known as Will or William, was a Human Starfleet officer who served as first officer on the USS Enterprise-D under Jean-Luc Picard during the 2360s.

Biography Edit

In the mid-2360s, Will was serving as first officer of the Galaxy-class USS Enterprise-D. On one particular morning, Will informed Captain Picard of a new health law passed by the Federation Council, banning all use of marijuana on board any starship. He also told the captain that their old menace, Wesley Crusher, was returning to the ship. The duo later met in the transporter room to greet young Crusher when he arrived. Will's mood continued to decline as he learned that Wesley and Deanna Troi had an affair before he left.

Later on, Riker questioned why Picard took inspiration from U.S. President Barack Obama, over someone "more French", like Napoléon. He also informed Picard that he had hidden the marijuana in a "safe place." Riker debriefed the senior staff of their options to either patrol the neutral zone for Gorn rapist vessels, or explore an uncharted system. President Obama ultimately was given the authority to choose their destination, and chose the latter.

Upon arriving in the uncharted system, the Enterprise was greeted by a Borg raping vessel. Following an unsavory threat, Riker informed the crew to "prepare for... penetration." Q, however, intervened, explaining that he set up the whole scenario, hoping the Enterprise crew could teach Obama some morals. Will found it laughable that they could teach him anything. After Q left, Riker handed Picard a marijuana joint to ease his headache.[1]

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